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This space is for whatever pause you need to take. I hold it for you and your safety. I hold it for reproductive rights. I hold it for murdered school children. When it feels safe, I invite you to take a deep breath in and out.
And now....
Dear Reader—
For the next few weeks I am going to be discussing how I’ll be preparing for and entering the new year with intention. I know that the Gregorian calendar new year is a boring subject for some folks, a fraught subject for others, and completely irrelevant for still others. At same time, I feel myself fixed by the tractor beam of 2022, knowing that a shift in focus and how I spend my energy is being called for. All of the stuff that I'll be writing about in connection to the new year has relevance on other occasions, so feel free to give this a spin if the January 1 new year isn't your thing.
2021 has been a year of rearrangement for me on top of being a year of collective calamity. At the beginning of this year I began to reach back and build connections that had been lost with my ancestry and heritage, including taking White Awake's Roots Deeper Than Whiteness course (highly recommended for people of European descent.) I also began a reappraisal of Christianity that, while I doubt I will ever be a practicing Christian again, helped me learn alternatives to the psychological terrorism that often passes for religion in white US culture. Finally, I began learning more about European history, especially the Reformation and the Thirty Years' War, both of which greatly affected my ancestors. So I am leaving 2021 with a depth and rootedness that I did not have at the beginning.
Mid-year, I had a giant energy crash that I still not have recovered from and that caused me to change a number of things in my day to day life and seek medical attention. Now that this year is drawing to its end, I find myself positioned to cut cords, clear out, and raise boundaries where I need to. Last week I messaged my family to set a boundary about a situation that has been affecting me most of my life. I am also gearing up to do a cord cutting ritual regarding a former friend. And recently I also did a mini KonMari as a supplement to the huge one I did two years ago to release some objects that I no longer needed.
I've been on this path for a few weeks but received affirmation about it in Sarah Faith Gottesdiener's tarotscopes for December. I'm not much of an astrology person, but I often find that her tarotscope for my sun sign is right on the money. (I can never remember my moon and rising signs. I'm sure they'd be helpful, too.) This is part of what she wrote for Taurus this month:
Part of any spiritual path is realizing that when certain chapters feel finished, they must be ended appropriately. This is the process you are currently in: before beginning the next phase, the right containers must be created. You’ve got to commit to creating the proper structures and scaffolding for your next home. Quite frankly, you’ve also got to summon the energy. That means doing an energy audit and cutting some serious time drains. That all takes time. You may not feel like you have it, but you do. A magician bends space and time through her attention, energy, and focus.
Before your life pivots down another path, you’ve got to get back to basics. Enough sleep. Enough pleasure. Enough nourishment. Enough clarity. Enough vision.
That's exactly how I'm feeling right now: trying to figure out how to create the right containers for what comes next, which means not only cutting unnecessary crap out of my life, but devoting myself to presence, health, and creativity. Here are a few things that I'm working on that I'll be writing about in the coming weeks:
My word for 2022 is Presence.
I'm going to be making changes to my relationship with my phone to combat inattention and the "dopamine layering" effect.
I'm going to re-engage with activism in a way that is meaningful and sustainable to me.
I am going to re-invest my time and energy into a spiritual practices that help me focus and be present.
I am going to make more time for art, creativity, and writing.
This all sounds rather vague now, but I'll dive into each of these over the next couple of months.
Today’s Card
The Architect of Stones (King of Pentacles) from the Slow Holler Tarot is the card that I pulled for us today. This card signifies virtuosity in the physical realm. How can we bring comfort to ourselves and those we love? Are energy drains in our physical environment that could be taken care of (like a pile of clutter that causes you to stress out every time you see it?) Is today the right time to finish that project that's been lingering—or to gather materials for that project you've been intending to start? This this a good time for nap? Practice paying attention to what's right in front of you today where it feels safe: your body, your living space, the things you've gathered around you, what's outside the window.
Paying Attention
A few weeks ago I began to wonder if introversion has a neurological basis, particularly regarding the dopamine system. It turns out (according to a couple of pop science articles) that I was on the right track!
Poetry: Taylor Johnson’s Inheritance and Jake Skeet’s Eyes Bottle Dark with a Mouthful of Flowers.
This interview with Ocean Vuong.